No longer just an idealitic dream

Describe yourself in one word: talkative

It is the most used adjective to describe me by others. They are right. I will not deny that I talk ALOT nor that I enjoy conversing with almost anyone.

The only problem with being talkative is that people assume they know exactly what you are thinking.Trust me you do not. This does not mean I am particularly close to the people I have conversed with nor does it mean they know me on a personal level nor do I claim to know them.

Please understand when I use know someone. I am not referring to society pushes us to believe knowing someone is. The world wants us to believe that if we know of someone= we know them.

For example  Hair politics a pertinent issue in my pseudo scientific race since the apartheid government created it. An issue imposed on all people of colour. I support the protests. I follow the articles and social media posts. However this does not mean I know the the protest participants. I know of them, I support them , I admire them. However as an individual do I understand these ladies. Who they intrinsically are.

So reverse the scenario. There is a person that somehow enters your world who you do not agree with. A person whose views and lifestyles hit every nerve. Do you dislike them? Or their actions?

Why do people believe they they are entitled to other people personal identities. If I think you are bad then I should want you to feel bad about yourself. THIS.IS.INSANE

People writing essays on the Pretoria girls high protesters work ethics as if they pay their school fees themselves.

There were moments this week. Where things happened that I did not say something. Where I was not brave. I am ashamed at myself. I am ashamed because I allowed myself to feel small. To feel wrong to be belittled by people who had no business speaking negativity into my life.

People claim to know you. People will claim they know what is best. However the opposite is true. They will cut the legs from underneath you. Why?

They have to cut your legs from underneath you: to stop you from standing tall, from rising up and from moving forward.

Allow what is happening to teach you something.

A girl that can start a national movement at thirteen is scary to some people. She has barely started high school imagine what she could do after she actually writes all those exams.

Do not be discouraged allow these women to inspire your work. We can move forward and we are. We can be fearless. We can move the most archaic of mountains. We will thrive. We are capable. No matter who we are. No matter what they say.

Whoever want to forcibly take your crown will not win. Any one who tries to oppress you will not stand. Who cares if you are fifteen or seventy. If they try to stifle you because of your race, gender, age,sexuality or past. They have messed with the wrong people. We are done with what is wrong.

Last month that was idealistic.

However thanks to the Pretoria girls high protesters I am starting to realise that's what they want us to believe.

We have the leaders, we have the people and our causes are right.

Zulaikha Patel your physical crown is as glorious as your metaphorical one

Could this be an existential crisis?

Who am I?
What do I want from life?
Where am I going?

The three pillars of anxiety in a young adults life.  The anxiety stemming from the need to establish oneself in society. To contribute (hopefully) to the community. The through the contribution to find purpose and belonging.

So often we as young people go as far to develop our dreams around the place we seek in society . One often hears students describe their courses as a means to money, authority or position. Their course either elevates them because it is "more difficult" than any other courses. Or the qualification entitles them to a higher pay grade still supposedly making them "better". People find great pride in the sense that when their families speak of them to others it will be: "My son is a [insert something that is impressive]" and the listener/receiver will respond in awe.

When did what we do determine who we are? Why is our personal identity so dependent on external factors?

What do we want from life?How many people are conditioned to want something, then when they are older experience a breakdown in their perception of reality? Only because they realise that their life was in fact not in line with their truth.

A man once told me it would be too difficult for me to become a general manager of a hotel.
"Why?" I barked back visibly insulted.
"Because one day you will meet a boy. Then you won't want to be so independent anymore. You will not want to work hospitality hours anymore because you will want to be with your children."

I think this story illustrates the fact. The fact is that external opinions are often ridiculous and better heard(we must strive to be polite) but not necessarily listened to. I am not saying do not listen to you doctor advise you on your health or disobey your parents. I am saying often we are so unsure in ourselves, that we would listen to anyone or everyone and value their opinion of our lives more than our own.

Your truth is important.

What you want and where you are going are not necessarily synonymous though.

When one reads a story or perhaps watches a movie: what develops the story line?

Action

My favorite book of all time is Matilda by Roald Dahl. It was a gift from my mother for my ninth birthday. Out of all the books that I own it is the most frayed from reading. When Matilda was little more than a toddler, she venture out of her home in search of books. She could have stayed at home where it was safe. Think about it the girl could already read the entire cookbook. However she had to go out, not knowing what was out there to pursue her passion.

What comforts me more is the fact that as intelligent as the heroine was she did not know or seek out the outcomes of her entire story. She honestly took it step by step. When she went to look for the library she did not plan to use her abilities to charm her way to a better life. To liberate an abused women.

No.

Matilda just wanted to read. So she did. Slowly things began to align themselves. Yes she did plan a few missions but not the grander and bigger scheme of things. For that she just had to walk in faith.

Applying this to our own lives, our "adult" lives. Is difficult. If you are like me you love control, you love to plan. Nothing is as important as your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly planners. You need to know if you are behind months in advance.

However let me share this

I realised that we cannot plan our lives with such detail. Tunnel vision in fact limits our lives. If we are too focused we deny ourselves other opportunities.

Consider the already used metaphor for opportunities being doors and how some are shut for good reason. I like to think of some doors to be shinier and more ornate than others. That is why we struggle to let them go. We believe the shut door is the best door because the immediate benefits are larger. So we stand there banging as hard as we can to open it. Thank goodness the universe intervenes and tries to stop us from entering. The universe may even point at the better door the one that leads to a more prosperous route. Unfortunately we often become despondent and refuse to seek out the other option. A more humble door.

However the humble door may lead to far more corridors and other doors than the ornate one. The humble less attractive could provide the means to our dreams. It may not be immediate though. It may be more difficult and sometimes we will experience ridicule by others. Translated in to real life terms it could be something like studying a course that is in line with your heart. Or working at a lower level job to gain the experience before applying to your dream employers.

We do not have to feel so desperate and insecure about our lives that we allow the external factors to determine how we feel . That we dilute our dreams and sacrifice happiness for approval only to later disapprove of ourselves.

We do not have to be limited in our dreaming. There are ways and means for each of us. We just need to try and take it step by step.

The trials we experience today only build our resolve. As we climb the mountain, the harder the wind will push against us. If we are not challenged at the bottom where it is safe to stumble we will surely not survive the heights. We will never learn to hold on.

Am I entitled?

 en·ti·tle·ment

inˈtīdlmənt,enˈtīdlmənt/

noun

noun: entitlement; plural noun: entitlements

tthe fact of having a right to something.

"full entitlement to fees and maintenance should be offered"

synonyms:

right, prerogative, claim; More permission, dispensation, privilege "their entitlement to benefits"

• the amount to which a person has a right.

  
  

  "annual leave entitlement"

  
  

  synonyms:

  right, prerogative, claim; More permission, dispensation, privilege "their entitlement to benefits"

• the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.

  
  

  "no wonder your kids have a sense of entitlement"

I recently went through another traumatic life event. After months of build up, hoping and work. I thought I had my break through. The illusion did not even last a month. I was faced with a difficult decision. A decision between what was right and "everyone does it". I think many people can relate to my ethical dilemma.

To my mother's great credit I  too the "right" road. If I was going to reach my dreams it would be the right way. However the good choice left me with a whole lot of pent up rage and disappointment. Why does the good guy always loose? It seemed so unfair.

My pity party was pushed aside for a few weeks as I had to go into survival mode. All my energy had to go into seeking alternative routes and opportunities with little avail.

I finally broke down this week.

It was at my lowest point where I had this revelation.

Why did I feel exempt from tragedy? Why do I feel entitled to life being easy?

Think about it. Things go wrong for people every single day. People's trains are late and they miss their exams. That person could have studied so effectively that they had the potential to get a distinction. Yet, some external force ruined that opportunity for them.

Some imbecile runs a red light hits a poor pedestrian with a car.The pedestrian could have waited for the robot to turn green: in technical terms done the right thing. That made no difference to the jerk that hit them because they were too reckless to adhere to road laws.

Does this mean we descend into a free for all, because the world is cruel.

NO

I feel a sense of entitlement is the enemy to us leading our best lives.

I feel the essence of entitlement is bitter. It lacks a ownership of our own lives. Circumstances can be bad. However we will always be in control of our decisions. Entitlement can manifest itself in small ways but left unchecked will escalate. I fear nothing like that of the escalation of entitlement in this world.

Take the Brock Turner rape case in the US. As with all abuse, his deep rooted entitlement led to that evil act. In his being, that belief that he deserve her led to his inexcusable actions. The fact that he saw his wants and ultimately himself above all else.

I am not entitled to anything. The world(general population) owes me nothing. That is the truth. Every act of kindness is a gift. A beautiful and rare gift not to be taken for granted. My own father does not owe me the courtesy of raising or providing for me. If he chooses too, I am blessed.

I find myself often realising my entitlement is taking over when I get upset. Someone pushed in front of me in a queue for example. Why do I feel my time takes, such president above others that I become enraged?

Think about it. Think about things that make you angry or upset.
Think about why you feel that way. Does it have a connection with an elevated sense of self? BE HONEST. Let us rather be an honest generation of broken people. People who are honest can learn and heal. Liars remain stagnant.

We as young people have to start checking ourselves. There are too many issues and concerns that need our attention. We can no longer afford the luxury of us spending so much time on OURSELVES. We all want to be victims of our circumstances. I still stand in awe of many victors of their circumstances. The people who are hurt themselves but still tend to others who are hurting.

We can fight each other individually to no end or even real purpose.

Or we can mobilise as a collective.

But being angry and getting mad is easy. I watched a two year old throw a tantrum in the bus depot for flings today. She screamed for forty minutes. I think at some point she must have started crying for reals because that had to hurt her throat. However the crux of the story is: she never got her flings and everyone around her saw right through her pretense.

Forgiving is difficult. I struggle with it too. I sacrificed other opportunities for a company that did not even consider me and how that choice would affect my life. Getting up is difficult. I wasted almost two months of my life on an opportunity that dissolved in seconds. However crying and screaming isn't going to help. It does not warrant respect and it definitely does not take one forward.

We have to keep moving forward.

To the few if any that read this, may I leave you with this:

Decisions are stronger than circumstance.

The "truth" about Starbucks

Motherland's 100% Arabica, medium roasted, Rwandan and Ethiopian blend.

 "Dear me"

The “truth” is a war is coming. Our territories borders are being breached. Colonization has happened before we’ve “bean there” as a nation. Our “motherland” isn’t safe. We “knead” to stand together as a “tribe” our “origin” after all is the same.

Starbucks is coming for us. 

I have seen the caffeine fueled buzz on social media. It's like in the Lego movie where the masses are indoctrinated to drink over priced coffee. If I am being completely honest I am disappointed. I feel I over estimated the South African consumer. 

My greatest heartache is the way hospitality industry in this country often functions without humanity.  It is an ever growing industry yet it's leaders are all about generating the most cash in the fastest time. They never consider sustainability in all senses of the word. Often the environment suffers but especially the workers. 

In South Africa we have harbored a culture of complaint. Yet what I have come to realize is that the individuals that try to make a difference, for instant hospitality workers are the ones who are oppressed the most. Radical ideas that bring in fair means of making money are laughed out of the boardroom. These hospitality workers, who are trying to raise families without depending on government grants,  that are paid minimum wage  (R2500 a month) or worked into the ground in dangerous and demeaning environments.On the surface it shines but behind the scenes...

The consumer demands therefor it is enforced. The consumer spends enough to pay a whole months salary of a worker in one go so why should they not get away with murder? My question is simple why does the consumer enjoy it? They bully, they swear,they yell, some even try to touch you. Why are there occupations where you have to let things happen to you and detach yourself from your sense of self? 

The consumer has all the power. In this case we are the consumers.

We live in a country which shares a continent with the greatest coffee producing nations on the PLANET!

In Cape Town we have so many wonderful coffee outlets. Places that offer single origin beans that come with the assurance of ethical trading. The coffee industry has been built on personal relationships, my favorite barista asks me about school, I ask for hearts on my flat whites. It comes from a real place, the connection with their customers is true. The workers know all there is to know on their products. It goes beyond being just a beverage, it is liquid art. There is a symphony of flavors each note carefully picked.

We have finally pushed the envelope of what was expected from coffee.For example truth makes coffee with orange juice. The juice is frothy. It's sweet, bitter brilliance! It's literally a sunrise in a cup. Africans drinking incredible African coffee.

Now

Starbucks has indoctrinated the masses using the consumers addiction to sugar to corrupt the flavor profiles of coffee. We don't need hazelnut or caramel sugared drinks thank you very much.We don't need major corporations coming into our country telling us what to drink and putting pressure on the little guy. The coffee industry is good for our economy and ultimately will help in stabilizing the Rand. Major corporations inject money but the suffocate smaller enterprises. It's the port jackson tree situation on our natural vegetation all over again.

We have brilliant coffee here at home. Don't be that guy that buys into Americanism with their expansive capitalist ideals and their placid pallets. I will not be won over by my name misspelled on a cup or the novelty that #starbucks that probably trends on Instagram.

“yours truly”

H

* all quoted words are names of coffee shops and distributors

Hey yo(u) ghurt(good)?

"How are you?"
We ask people this all the time and are asked too.
But do we even care about the response or care to respond with the truth?

Sometimes it's difficult to put into words how we feel. I have been experimenting with making frozen yogurt as of late. So here is life lessons in frozen yoghurt form. 

DRIVE: Frozen yoghurt is an emulsion and a foam. It needs extreme temperatures to solidify it however needs constant movement in order to break the icicles. This creates a thicker, smoother product. Drive is similar in the fact that its continuous work through extreme conditions. Complacency are icicles we need to work at remaining humble so that we will actively pursue our dreams.

For me personally I do not want to make yoghurt like that which you buy in the shop. What's the point in that? Why should I put in colorants, flavoring and preservatives when I'm at home. That's a perfect metaphor for life. No drama, stuff falseness and negativity. I'm at home with who I am. Some people are going to think you are fake because they honestly cannot understand your pursuit to be irrevocably happy. Those that understand are rare, kindred spirits.

Life has the potential to be magical if you just open your eyes. Allow the small thing to make you happy. Like someone opening the door for you or a cloud shaped like a dinosaur. I actively search for happiness.

I saw this in the company gardens. Living in Cape Town the wind is intense, like it will blow you over(especially if you are small)! A gust came up and everyone ducked and some even cursed(hair styles were ruined), but this child riding on his father's shoulders just laughed and it echoed everywhere like music. It was like the universe was telling me that I should laugh at things that bother everyone else. That hardship and challenge is an opportunity to grow so why not enjoy that process. We think that life is breaking us down. Breaking is a horrible world. We are being crafted like the statue of David. Chipping away all excess slowly. You chose to either be art or a tool( like a pestle and mortar also made from marble).

Toppings, I love savory flavours. My new favourite thing is to have double cream frozen yoghurt with cayenne pepper. The cold temperature with the heat from the roasted spice is extraordinary. It's like watching a 3D movie but with taste. 

Double cream frozen yoghurt with roasted cayenne pepper

Toppings are friendships to you the yoghurt. We are different and complex in our own rights.Put us together and we have something amazing. Why should we not try fish or hummus in yoghurt?The people that mean most to me do not make any sense in societal(key word) logic. That's what makes it even more valuable and precious. It's about finding the guardians who will wait at the edge when you have to climb out of the holes of depression.

Double cream frozen yoghurt paired with sour fig jam and dried snoek in a munch bowl (which has a flavor profile to a provita)

Like with yogurt we can strip away the bad and add something strange and wonderful to our lives. That what we least expect can be the most wonderful thing. This applies to many thing like friendships, work or even places.

We are only limited by our fear. I'll admit I'm braver with food and my career than anything else. I lack a certain balance. However I'm challenging myself to be more brave. To stop hiding behind humor or even a crazy jersey.  To explore life completely.