Could this be an existential crisis?

Who am I?
What do I want from life?
Where am I going?

The three pillars of anxiety in a young adults life.  The anxiety stemming from the need to establish oneself in society. To contribute (hopefully) to the community. The through the contribution to find purpose and belonging.

So often we as young people go as far to develop our dreams around the place we seek in society . One often hears students describe their courses as a means to money, authority or position. Their course either elevates them because it is "more difficult" than any other courses. Or the qualification entitles them to a higher pay grade still supposedly making them "better". People find great pride in the sense that when their families speak of them to others it will be: "My son is a [insert something that is impressive]" and the listener/receiver will respond in awe.

When did what we do determine who we are? Why is our personal identity so dependent on external factors?

What do we want from life?How many people are conditioned to want something, then when they are older experience a breakdown in their perception of reality? Only because they realise that their life was in fact not in line with their truth.

A man once told me it would be too difficult for me to become a general manager of a hotel.
"Why?" I barked back visibly insulted.
"Because one day you will meet a boy. Then you won't want to be so independent anymore. You will not want to work hospitality hours anymore because you will want to be with your children."

I think this story illustrates the fact. The fact is that external opinions are often ridiculous and better heard(we must strive to be polite) but not necessarily listened to. I am not saying do not listen to you doctor advise you on your health or disobey your parents. I am saying often we are so unsure in ourselves, that we would listen to anyone or everyone and value their opinion of our lives more than our own.

Your truth is important.

What you want and where you are going are not necessarily synonymous though.

When one reads a story or perhaps watches a movie: what develops the story line?

Action

My favorite book of all time is Matilda by Roald Dahl. It was a gift from my mother for my ninth birthday. Out of all the books that I own it is the most frayed from reading. When Matilda was little more than a toddler, she venture out of her home in search of books. She could have stayed at home where it was safe. Think about it the girl could already read the entire cookbook. However she had to go out, not knowing what was out there to pursue her passion.

What comforts me more is the fact that as intelligent as the heroine was she did not know or seek out the outcomes of her entire story. She honestly took it step by step. When she went to look for the library she did not plan to use her abilities to charm her way to a better life. To liberate an abused women.

No.

Matilda just wanted to read. So she did. Slowly things began to align themselves. Yes she did plan a few missions but not the grander and bigger scheme of things. For that she just had to walk in faith.

Applying this to our own lives, our "adult" lives. Is difficult. If you are like me you love control, you love to plan. Nothing is as important as your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly planners. You need to know if you are behind months in advance.

However let me share this

I realised that we cannot plan our lives with such detail. Tunnel vision in fact limits our lives. If we are too focused we deny ourselves other opportunities.

Consider the already used metaphor for opportunities being doors and how some are shut for good reason. I like to think of some doors to be shinier and more ornate than others. That is why we struggle to let them go. We believe the shut door is the best door because the immediate benefits are larger. So we stand there banging as hard as we can to open it. Thank goodness the universe intervenes and tries to stop us from entering. The universe may even point at the better door the one that leads to a more prosperous route. Unfortunately we often become despondent and refuse to seek out the other option. A more humble door.

However the humble door may lead to far more corridors and other doors than the ornate one. The humble less attractive could provide the means to our dreams. It may not be immediate though. It may be more difficult and sometimes we will experience ridicule by others. Translated in to real life terms it could be something like studying a course that is in line with your heart. Or working at a lower level job to gain the experience before applying to your dream employers.

We do not have to feel so desperate and insecure about our lives that we allow the external factors to determine how we feel . That we dilute our dreams and sacrifice happiness for approval only to later disapprove of ourselves.

We do not have to be limited in our dreaming. There are ways and means for each of us. We just need to try and take it step by step.

The trials we experience today only build our resolve. As we climb the mountain, the harder the wind will push against us. If we are not challenged at the bottom where it is safe to stumble we will surely not survive the heights. We will never learn to hold on.

Sine metu

Sine metu means without fear.

I first stumbled upon this phrase very early in my search my six month internship or rather the whale/mother ship/be-all-end-all. Some may understand the great pressure that exists with establishing yourself in your twenties others may have simply forgotten or never cared.

Sine metu has been an echo in my mind.
At first it was about being brave. About going forth and taking risks in applications. In emailing general managers and inquiring the help of recruiters. I only needed to start working in July of 2016 however I was applying almost a year in advance. I so desperately wanted to go into my third year "sorted".

BUT THEN rejection starts setting in. Stupid amounts of rejection based on the fact that I have yet to complete my qualification. I do not have the permits to work abroad or even the fact that I am not an EU citizen. I'm proficient in different property management systems to the property or they want someone that speaks Mandarin: the list goes on. Pretty soon I felt like a piece of paper. Worse I felt the like the title of my emails. I was not even worth the reading of my cover letter.  My confidence was dependent on being shortlisted. It is not the way to live.

It is at this point reader that I must point out that to be without fear is in fact to have faith. This exercise taught me that mine was weak. 

I find it difficult to explain, but I am sure that most people have felt exactly the same way. We are taught if we work hard it will pay off. I came to a point where I worked so hard for nothing. To put it bluntly I thought I had deluded myself into believing I was running on the open road when in fact I was on a treadmill. I was so incredibly tired for what?

Throughout this time of emotional instability something glorious was actually happening. Unbeknownst to me until recently. It is going to sound super soppy, rainbows and unicorns-esque. However it is true. So profoundly true and obvious that I now understand why society brands it as "lame". We as people overstate our intelligence into believing that the answer has to be difficult or even selective.

I first had to under go an attitude change. I realised despite the world or rather companies and individuals whom I had admired for years excluding and overlooking me. I was actually really loved and respected. This is because of the people surround myself with.

Every time I fell down or had a bad day. They were there not even because I asked because they wanted to.

I believe this is the problem with our generation. We are all desperately searching for some external validation that sometimes we over look real love (not teddy bears or stupid over sexualised relationship memes or selfiefriendships). I am talking about respect , care and understanding. About REAL friendships: the kind of ones that last and grow. We overlook the most rare and incredible miracles of life.

This leads of to the final interpretation of sine metu. The interpretation I currently live in. I am without fear because I am with you. Honestly and truly. I understand and am also understood. When my faith is weak, I have others who offer to believe for me. Those who wait at the top encouraging me to climb.

We climb in darkness towards the light

The moment I let go. Let go of control and my insecurities. Things fell into place. In a brilliant and astounding way. As a prepare for this opportunity. I dedicate the posts over the next few months to the people who inspired this post.

The butterfly effect

It is time for a paradigm shift in country

Please don't misunderstand me, I am incredibly fortunate to study further (#feesmustfall) however lately my cup has been pretty empty. I have enjoyed my academic terms because of the creativity and diversity of information it brought. I also found a way to make things interesting and dare I say fun with the help of my friends. Toilet humor for example wasn't vulgarity but rather jokes about dual flush systems. The list goes on.

This afternoon I decided to go to the bakery close to res for a treat. A "life can be sweet" treat if you will. I walked in and the attendant immediately recognized me when I walked in 
" You haven't been here in weeks, where have you been?" she explained. I had been trying to be good. For some odd reason I spent fifteen minutes trying to decide what to get. Even the baker came to the front. I'm the butterfly girl, I should get a butterfly pastry( it is rolled puff pastry with sugar in the middle and brushed with syrup). The friendly attendant laughed at me and half-heatedly tried to sell me other treats, but kept telling me that we both knew I wanted the butterfly pastry. When I eventually bought the butterfly. Then I was scolded for depriving myself and invited back next Sunday.

Butterfly pastry or Varkoortjie in Afrikaans is a delightfully light pastry perfectly accompanied by tea on Sundays.

The point of my story is not to convince you to buy baked goods, but my experience brought on the realization of the reason for my deflated attitude as of late. I am concerned about the treatment of workers in our country especially in the hospitality sector. Like the attendant the universe keeps telling me that I should do something about it, but I guess the fear of ridicule has stopped me till now.

My idealistic heroism of those in management positions in this industry has been lost.
I used to look at these suited men and women and secretly adore them. I guess this makes me a hospitality nerd but I knew departmental heads statistics as if they were sports people. I used to collect property information, Eat out magazine was a manual to life  and I read Trip Adviser more than Facebook ( for a personal my age that is quite intense).

It was a slow process, which I fought for a long time. I had stars in my eyes, why would I resent a position I being groomed to fill?

Call it fate if you will, but one day I ended up in housekeeping department running some head offices errands and accidentally fell into a deep discussion with some laundry attendants. It all started with asking them how they were and wanting a real response.

Their concerns and grievances were all things I had noticed before however my enthusiasm and positive attitude wasn't going to help them. They put it rather bluntly, they will work hard for the rest of their lives never to attain a fraction of what the guests have. They explained the fear they felt of guest, who at the slightest complaint could place their positions  jeopardy. They feel as if they are going no where in their careers. 

It all became apparent to me. The hospitality industry is growing and thriving in Africa. Many of the basic skills involved in service can be taught without the need of tertiary education. Surely this is a means to help relieve the unemployment rates drastically.

We have a problem with entitlement in our nation. The poor want grants but often without contributing to society and the wealthy hate any threat to their monopoly on opportunity.

About a month later I transferred to a different hotels housekeeping department. I took off my suit, wiped off my make up and put on a housekeepers smock and it changed my life.
I didn't have to wear the properties uniform as an intern. I thought it would be practical for cleaning I never imagined the social implications that occurred.

The higher management from head office didn't recognize me and I was chastised for not wearing a name badge when coming to dust their offices (which are bigger than the departmental store room). I wasn't even given the opportunity to explain that I was a student. People kept asking me how many children I had, such a stereotype. My greeting as ignored as people blatantly looked the other way. Other departments even laughed as we leaned the staff bathrooms that they dirtied. Guests would hammer the close button in the lift if the saw me pass. A male guest gave me no warning and used the bathroom in front of me as I cowered in a corner. The list continues it is demeaning and dehumanizing.

A housekeeper pointed in out so nicely " guest's love the suit" to explain my sudden unpopularity.
This same attendant told me "Just because we clean shit doesn't makes us shit". She's right, someone has to do it.

Just because your room rate is more that someones monthly salary does not mean you own them Slavery is over!!!

Also it disappoints me when I meet managers who allow their positions to inflate their ego. You are nothing without your staff. You can't run a restaurant/hotel on your own. They forget their employees are people. If you spend most of your life at work surly it should be a pleasant environment

Money and status is no reason to forget you humanity.
That's why I want to implore students from all industries to  start thinking about the leaders they want to be. Do they want to inherit broken industries and manage it in a way that oppresses those in our country that actually try to emancipate themselves from poverty?

Or will we build companies run with sustainability in every sense of the word. One that hopes to grow and expand whilst empowering the workers. It is possible. We have been indoctrinated that there only is enough for the elite. This is a lie. Use your brains and your hands to build, not break. Stop asking for solutions and think about it. The world is ours. Let's take positive strides forward and fight the urge to pillage and destroy like our fore fathers.

It is our responsibility to create opportunities for ourselves and for others. Companies that truly thrive are those that work together. We are all different. Our skill sets and ability levels are not the same. However real lasting change requires  us each to work together to build a country worth living in. 

I hope to reach out to other concerned individuals and build a forum where we can collaborate  to formulate solutions.

The "truth" about Starbucks

Motherland's 100% Arabica, medium roasted, Rwandan and Ethiopian blend.

 "Dear me"

The “truth” is a war is coming. Our territories borders are being breached. Colonization has happened before we’ve “bean there” as a nation. Our “motherland” isn’t safe. We “knead” to stand together as a “tribe” our “origin” after all is the same.

Starbucks is coming for us. 

I have seen the caffeine fueled buzz on social media. It's like in the Lego movie where the masses are indoctrinated to drink over priced coffee. If I am being completely honest I am disappointed. I feel I over estimated the South African consumer. 

My greatest heartache is the way hospitality industry in this country often functions without humanity.  It is an ever growing industry yet it's leaders are all about generating the most cash in the fastest time. They never consider sustainability in all senses of the word. Often the environment suffers but especially the workers. 

In South Africa we have harbored a culture of complaint. Yet what I have come to realize is that the individuals that try to make a difference, for instant hospitality workers are the ones who are oppressed the most. Radical ideas that bring in fair means of making money are laughed out of the boardroom. These hospitality workers, who are trying to raise families without depending on government grants,  that are paid minimum wage  (R2500 a month) or worked into the ground in dangerous and demeaning environments.On the surface it shines but behind the scenes...

The consumer demands therefor it is enforced. The consumer spends enough to pay a whole months salary of a worker in one go so why should they not get away with murder? My question is simple why does the consumer enjoy it? They bully, they swear,they yell, some even try to touch you. Why are there occupations where you have to let things happen to you and detach yourself from your sense of self? 

The consumer has all the power. In this case we are the consumers.

We live in a country which shares a continent with the greatest coffee producing nations on the PLANET!

In Cape Town we have so many wonderful coffee outlets. Places that offer single origin beans that come with the assurance of ethical trading. The coffee industry has been built on personal relationships, my favorite barista asks me about school, I ask for hearts on my flat whites. It comes from a real place, the connection with their customers is true. The workers know all there is to know on their products. It goes beyond being just a beverage, it is liquid art. There is a symphony of flavors each note carefully picked.

We have finally pushed the envelope of what was expected from coffee.For example truth makes coffee with orange juice. The juice is frothy. It's sweet, bitter brilliance! It's literally a sunrise in a cup. Africans drinking incredible African coffee.

Now

Starbucks has indoctrinated the masses using the consumers addiction to sugar to corrupt the flavor profiles of coffee. We don't need hazelnut or caramel sugared drinks thank you very much.We don't need major corporations coming into our country telling us what to drink and putting pressure on the little guy. The coffee industry is good for our economy and ultimately will help in stabilizing the Rand. Major corporations inject money but the suffocate smaller enterprises. It's the port jackson tree situation on our natural vegetation all over again.

We have brilliant coffee here at home. Don't be that guy that buys into Americanism with their expansive capitalist ideals and their placid pallets. I will not be won over by my name misspelled on a cup or the novelty that #starbucks that probably trends on Instagram.

“yours truly”

H

* all quoted words are names of coffee shops and distributors

Hey yo(u) ghurt(good)?

"How are you?"
We ask people this all the time and are asked too.
But do we even care about the response or care to respond with the truth?

Sometimes it's difficult to put into words how we feel. I have been experimenting with making frozen yogurt as of late. So here is life lessons in frozen yoghurt form. 

DRIVE: Frozen yoghurt is an emulsion and a foam. It needs extreme temperatures to solidify it however needs constant movement in order to break the icicles. This creates a thicker, smoother product. Drive is similar in the fact that its continuous work through extreme conditions. Complacency are icicles we need to work at remaining humble so that we will actively pursue our dreams.

For me personally I do not want to make yoghurt like that which you buy in the shop. What's the point in that? Why should I put in colorants, flavoring and preservatives when I'm at home. That's a perfect metaphor for life. No drama, stuff falseness and negativity. I'm at home with who I am. Some people are going to think you are fake because they honestly cannot understand your pursuit to be irrevocably happy. Those that understand are rare, kindred spirits.

Life has the potential to be magical if you just open your eyes. Allow the small thing to make you happy. Like someone opening the door for you or a cloud shaped like a dinosaur. I actively search for happiness.

I saw this in the company gardens. Living in Cape Town the wind is intense, like it will blow you over(especially if you are small)! A gust came up and everyone ducked and some even cursed(hair styles were ruined), but this child riding on his father's shoulders just laughed and it echoed everywhere like music. It was like the universe was telling me that I should laugh at things that bother everyone else. That hardship and challenge is an opportunity to grow so why not enjoy that process. We think that life is breaking us down. Breaking is a horrible world. We are being crafted like the statue of David. Chipping away all excess slowly. You chose to either be art or a tool( like a pestle and mortar also made from marble).

Toppings, I love savory flavours. My new favourite thing is to have double cream frozen yoghurt with cayenne pepper. The cold temperature with the heat from the roasted spice is extraordinary. It's like watching a 3D movie but with taste. 

Double cream frozen yoghurt with roasted cayenne pepper

Toppings are friendships to you the yoghurt. We are different and complex in our own rights.Put us together and we have something amazing. Why should we not try fish or hummus in yoghurt?The people that mean most to me do not make any sense in societal(key word) logic. That's what makes it even more valuable and precious. It's about finding the guardians who will wait at the edge when you have to climb out of the holes of depression.

Double cream frozen yoghurt paired with sour fig jam and dried snoek in a munch bowl (which has a flavor profile to a provita)

Like with yogurt we can strip away the bad and add something strange and wonderful to our lives. That what we least expect can be the most wonderful thing. This applies to many thing like friendships, work or even places.

We are only limited by our fear. I'll admit I'm braver with food and my career than anything else. I lack a certain balance. However I'm challenging myself to be more brave. To stop hiding behind humor or even a crazy jersey.  To explore life completely.

Darjeeling would you like to chai some rooibos?

My family is not the most affectionate of people. They are not big on cuddles or talking too much (or loudly). However being the boisterous (my sister's word not mine) I never felt unloved despite being constantly told to use my inside voice .

We show our affections in other ways; such as a simple cup of tea. 

When studying, oddly quiet or sick my mom would make me a cup of milky tea. My awkward brother always offers to make a cup of tea when when I'm freaking out. My mom used to drink eight cups of tea a day and I quickly learned it was the best way to defuse conflict. When I visit my Oupa his first reaction is to boil a kettle of water. It's our heart language (corny but true)

Tea is like drinking a warm hug and opens people up to conversation. I've discovered most people have a soft spot for tea too.

However most tea distributors admit that the general public don't even know how to identify a good cup of tea. It's true we live in a society that knows the difference between instant coffee and single origin beans. That's pallets can even taste if a wine is capitalized. When drinking tea their scope is suddenly the more expensive tea brand is better than the cheap brand available in the SUPERMARKET.

My Darjeelings (a black Indian tea) with a few easy indicators, you'll be ready to impress your friends at your next tea party.

Firstly the main groups of tea are black, green and white. They are classified based on their making processes and flavor profiles.Black is fermented, green semi fermented and white not at all. There are also herbal teas which do not actual contain leaves from a type of tea plant. 

Usually grocery store bought tea is classified as tea dust. This is because the brand uses the bigger,mature leaves of the plant to make the tea. They use faster making process and ground it finer in order for the tea to infuse faster.

 

Green tea

As you can see the tea leaves are actual small leaves. The flavor difference is extraordinary. The tea bag is heavy and has a strong aftertaste which is similar in flavor to tobacco. Where are the Chun Mee is light and aromatic. Real tea is not meant to have a tannin ( the dry sensation activated on the back part of your tongue), you will also notice in a lesser quality tea that there is sediment at the bottom of the cup.

Early grey- a black tea infusion

My infuser: his name is george

When making tea with tea leaves you will use an infuser. Every type of tea has different specifications but it generally takes between 3 to 5 minutes for the tea to infuse. Lesser quality teas will infuse in a matter of seconds.

Like wine it is about finding the perfect flavor profile to compliment the treats you'll be serving at a tea party. Lemon tart with earl grey is delightful or some Goa Chai with Victoria sponge. 

 If you are just making the transition may I suggest Rwanda which is a fantastic black tea which can easily be served with milk and sugar if you prefer.You will notice when moving to leaves there is sweetness and flavour so great, that sugar and milk become obsolete

.

My taste rack

So dust off the tea cups and rinse out you tea pot. It may be cold outside, but you are cordially invited for tea.

Hxx