No longer just an idealitic dream

Describe yourself in one word: talkative

It is the most used adjective to describe me by others. They are right. I will not deny that I talk ALOT nor that I enjoy conversing with almost anyone.

The only problem with being talkative is that people assume they know exactly what you are thinking.Trust me you do not. This does not mean I am particularly close to the people I have conversed with nor does it mean they know me on a personal level nor do I claim to know them.

Please understand when I use know someone. I am not referring to society pushes us to believe knowing someone is. The world wants us to believe that if we know of someone= we know them.

For example  Hair politics a pertinent issue in my pseudo scientific race since the apartheid government created it. An issue imposed on all people of colour. I support the protests. I follow the articles and social media posts. However this does not mean I know the the protest participants. I know of them, I support them , I admire them. However as an individual do I understand these ladies. Who they intrinsically are.

So reverse the scenario. There is a person that somehow enters your world who you do not agree with. A person whose views and lifestyles hit every nerve. Do you dislike them? Or their actions?

Why do people believe they they are entitled to other people personal identities. If I think you are bad then I should want you to feel bad about yourself. THIS.IS.INSANE

People writing essays on the Pretoria girls high protesters work ethics as if they pay their school fees themselves.

There were moments this week. Where things happened that I did not say something. Where I was not brave. I am ashamed at myself. I am ashamed because I allowed myself to feel small. To feel wrong to be belittled by people who had no business speaking negativity into my life.

People claim to know you. People will claim they know what is best. However the opposite is true. They will cut the legs from underneath you. Why?

They have to cut your legs from underneath you: to stop you from standing tall, from rising up and from moving forward.

Allow what is happening to teach you something.

A girl that can start a national movement at thirteen is scary to some people. She has barely started high school imagine what she could do after she actually writes all those exams.

Do not be discouraged allow these women to inspire your work. We can move forward and we are. We can be fearless. We can move the most archaic of mountains. We will thrive. We are capable. No matter who we are. No matter what they say.

Whoever want to forcibly take your crown will not win. Any one who tries to oppress you will not stand. Who cares if you are fifteen or seventy. If they try to stifle you because of your race, gender, age,sexuality or past. They have messed with the wrong people. We are done with what is wrong.

Last month that was idealistic.

However thanks to the Pretoria girls high protesters I am starting to realise that's what they want us to believe.

We have the leaders, we have the people and our causes are right.

Zulaikha Patel your physical crown is as glorious as your metaphorical one

It is a Zombie apocalypse

 

Meme of the month

We need to stop explaining ourselves.

There is such a pressure in the air. We have started to feel as though we need to justify every decision we make to "someone".

The "someone" I refer to is different for everyone. To some it may be their Facebook followers to others it can be an entire community or even political regime.

This pressure to justify oneself continuously cannot be good. That fear of rejection and judgment in our hearts are real obstacles to us living fulfilling lives.

One's compass to life cannot be external. It cannot come from others and most definitely cannot be as a result of fear.

Our direction in life should be determined from an internal conviction.

May I ask you a question?

What do you believe to be right or wrong for your life?

What is good for you?
Is what you are currently involved in bringing growth and joy. Or are you just going through the acceptable motions of life?

When we are younger our entire lives depend on our coolness. Is the bag we wear to class, "in". Do we collect the same toys as the other kids? Do we dress from the brand prescribed by all the "in" people. As adults it seems to be there is a pseudo emancipation of this yoke. All of a sudden everyone wants to be alternative and different. Uncool is cool. However is that not in itself a pursuit of the community has deemed fit for our lives.

This only escalates as one moves from young adulthood to just plain old adulthood. By the prescribed age in our various cultures one needs two kids, the dog and house in the suburbs.  

People have real anxiety about reaching this stage before it is "too late. What is "too late", is there even such a thing? 

Is there a disconnect between your dreams and goals?

Is the goal whatever you have been programmed or conditioned to believe your life should be? The dream is something else, something in your heart. Something that you need but cannot have?

Why society can these too so often not align?

There it is! I have done it too. I have blamed external forces. Forces that I will never control.

We need to take responsibility for ourselves. 

Our dreams can, should and will be ours. If we step up. Shake off the burdens that only we can see and step forward.

That moment when you feel brighter and lighter. When we experience our true purpose. 

I have started to walk home from the waterfront each afternoon. I walk a route that the other employees of the Waterfront. It is basically a zombie march. I have spoken to people that when I ask what they want to do (what do you want to do when you grow up kind of phrasing?) they merely shrug their shoulders.

Where is the passion? The drive?

The pursuit of ones dreams is not enjoyed from the sidelines. There is a you tube clip of a real estate mogul I saw about a year ago. He said that if one is not excited about what you are doing then it is time to refuel your passion. That which you give most of your time too, its purpose in your life needs to drive and inspire you.

So everyone may be laughing at this women however I celebrate with her. I love her enthusiasm. I would like to encourage everyone not to judge and cringe, but get on her level.

Could this be an existential crisis?

Who am I?
What do I want from life?
Where am I going?

The three pillars of anxiety in a young adults life.  The anxiety stemming from the need to establish oneself in society. To contribute (hopefully) to the community. The through the contribution to find purpose and belonging.

So often we as young people go as far to develop our dreams around the place we seek in society . One often hears students describe their courses as a means to money, authority or position. Their course either elevates them because it is "more difficult" than any other courses. Or the qualification entitles them to a higher pay grade still supposedly making them "better". People find great pride in the sense that when their families speak of them to others it will be: "My son is a [insert something that is impressive]" and the listener/receiver will respond in awe.

When did what we do determine who we are? Why is our personal identity so dependent on external factors?

What do we want from life?How many people are conditioned to want something, then when they are older experience a breakdown in their perception of reality? Only because they realise that their life was in fact not in line with their truth.

A man once told me it would be too difficult for me to become a general manager of a hotel.
"Why?" I barked back visibly insulted.
"Because one day you will meet a boy. Then you won't want to be so independent anymore. You will not want to work hospitality hours anymore because you will want to be with your children."

I think this story illustrates the fact. The fact is that external opinions are often ridiculous and better heard(we must strive to be polite) but not necessarily listened to. I am not saying do not listen to you doctor advise you on your health or disobey your parents. I am saying often we are so unsure in ourselves, that we would listen to anyone or everyone and value their opinion of our lives more than our own.

Your truth is important.

What you want and where you are going are not necessarily synonymous though.

When one reads a story or perhaps watches a movie: what develops the story line?

Action

My favorite book of all time is Matilda by Roald Dahl. It was a gift from my mother for my ninth birthday. Out of all the books that I own it is the most frayed from reading. When Matilda was little more than a toddler, she venture out of her home in search of books. She could have stayed at home where it was safe. Think about it the girl could already read the entire cookbook. However she had to go out, not knowing what was out there to pursue her passion.

What comforts me more is the fact that as intelligent as the heroine was she did not know or seek out the outcomes of her entire story. She honestly took it step by step. When she went to look for the library she did not plan to use her abilities to charm her way to a better life. To liberate an abused women.

No.

Matilda just wanted to read. So she did. Slowly things began to align themselves. Yes she did plan a few missions but not the grander and bigger scheme of things. For that she just had to walk in faith.

Applying this to our own lives, our "adult" lives. Is difficult. If you are like me you love control, you love to plan. Nothing is as important as your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly planners. You need to know if you are behind months in advance.

However let me share this

I realised that we cannot plan our lives with such detail. Tunnel vision in fact limits our lives. If we are too focused we deny ourselves other opportunities.

Consider the already used metaphor for opportunities being doors and how some are shut for good reason. I like to think of some doors to be shinier and more ornate than others. That is why we struggle to let them go. We believe the shut door is the best door because the immediate benefits are larger. So we stand there banging as hard as we can to open it. Thank goodness the universe intervenes and tries to stop us from entering. The universe may even point at the better door the one that leads to a more prosperous route. Unfortunately we often become despondent and refuse to seek out the other option. A more humble door.

However the humble door may lead to far more corridors and other doors than the ornate one. The humble less attractive could provide the means to our dreams. It may not be immediate though. It may be more difficult and sometimes we will experience ridicule by others. Translated in to real life terms it could be something like studying a course that is in line with your heart. Or working at a lower level job to gain the experience before applying to your dream employers.

We do not have to feel so desperate and insecure about our lives that we allow the external factors to determine how we feel . That we dilute our dreams and sacrifice happiness for approval only to later disapprove of ourselves.

We do not have to be limited in our dreaming. There are ways and means for each of us. We just need to try and take it step by step.

The trials we experience today only build our resolve. As we climb the mountain, the harder the wind will push against us. If we are not challenged at the bottom where it is safe to stumble we will surely not survive the heights. We will never learn to hold on.

Am I entitled?

 en·ti·tle·ment

inˈtīdlmənt,enˈtīdlmənt/

noun

noun: entitlement; plural noun: entitlements

tthe fact of having a right to something.

"full entitlement to fees and maintenance should be offered"

synonyms:

right, prerogative, claim; More permission, dispensation, privilege "their entitlement to benefits"

• the amount to which a person has a right.

  
  

  "annual leave entitlement"

  
  

  synonyms:

  right, prerogative, claim; More permission, dispensation, privilege "their entitlement to benefits"

• the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.

  
  

  "no wonder your kids have a sense of entitlement"

I recently went through another traumatic life event. After months of build up, hoping and work. I thought I had my break through. The illusion did not even last a month. I was faced with a difficult decision. A decision between what was right and "everyone does it". I think many people can relate to my ethical dilemma.

To my mother's great credit I  too the "right" road. If I was going to reach my dreams it would be the right way. However the good choice left me with a whole lot of pent up rage and disappointment. Why does the good guy always loose? It seemed so unfair.

My pity party was pushed aside for a few weeks as I had to go into survival mode. All my energy had to go into seeking alternative routes and opportunities with little avail.

I finally broke down this week.

It was at my lowest point where I had this revelation.

Why did I feel exempt from tragedy? Why do I feel entitled to life being easy?

Think about it. Things go wrong for people every single day. People's trains are late and they miss their exams. That person could have studied so effectively that they had the potential to get a distinction. Yet, some external force ruined that opportunity for them.

Some imbecile runs a red light hits a poor pedestrian with a car.The pedestrian could have waited for the robot to turn green: in technical terms done the right thing. That made no difference to the jerk that hit them because they were too reckless to adhere to road laws.

Does this mean we descend into a free for all, because the world is cruel.

NO

I feel a sense of entitlement is the enemy to us leading our best lives.

I feel the essence of entitlement is bitter. It lacks a ownership of our own lives. Circumstances can be bad. However we will always be in control of our decisions. Entitlement can manifest itself in small ways but left unchecked will escalate. I fear nothing like that of the escalation of entitlement in this world.

Take the Brock Turner rape case in the US. As with all abuse, his deep rooted entitlement led to that evil act. In his being, that belief that he deserve her led to his inexcusable actions. The fact that he saw his wants and ultimately himself above all else.

I am not entitled to anything. The world(general population) owes me nothing. That is the truth. Every act of kindness is a gift. A beautiful and rare gift not to be taken for granted. My own father does not owe me the courtesy of raising or providing for me. If he chooses too, I am blessed.

I find myself often realising my entitlement is taking over when I get upset. Someone pushed in front of me in a queue for example. Why do I feel my time takes, such president above others that I become enraged?

Think about it. Think about things that make you angry or upset.
Think about why you feel that way. Does it have a connection with an elevated sense of self? BE HONEST. Let us rather be an honest generation of broken people. People who are honest can learn and heal. Liars remain stagnant.

We as young people have to start checking ourselves. There are too many issues and concerns that need our attention. We can no longer afford the luxury of us spending so much time on OURSELVES. We all want to be victims of our circumstances. I still stand in awe of many victors of their circumstances. The people who are hurt themselves but still tend to others who are hurting.

We can fight each other individually to no end or even real purpose.

Or we can mobilise as a collective.

But being angry and getting mad is easy. I watched a two year old throw a tantrum in the bus depot for flings today. She screamed for forty minutes. I think at some point she must have started crying for reals because that had to hurt her throat. However the crux of the story is: she never got her flings and everyone around her saw right through her pretense.

Forgiving is difficult. I struggle with it too. I sacrificed other opportunities for a company that did not even consider me and how that choice would affect my life. Getting up is difficult. I wasted almost two months of my life on an opportunity that dissolved in seconds. However crying and screaming isn't going to help. It does not warrant respect and it definitely does not take one forward.

We have to keep moving forward.

To the few if any that read this, may I leave you with this:

Decisions are stronger than circumstance.

Sine metu

Sine metu means without fear.

I first stumbled upon this phrase very early in my search my six month internship or rather the whale/mother ship/be-all-end-all. Some may understand the great pressure that exists with establishing yourself in your twenties others may have simply forgotten or never cared.

Sine metu has been an echo in my mind.
At first it was about being brave. About going forth and taking risks in applications. In emailing general managers and inquiring the help of recruiters. I only needed to start working in July of 2016 however I was applying almost a year in advance. I so desperately wanted to go into my third year "sorted".

BUT THEN rejection starts setting in. Stupid amounts of rejection based on the fact that I have yet to complete my qualification. I do not have the permits to work abroad or even the fact that I am not an EU citizen. I'm proficient in different property management systems to the property or they want someone that speaks Mandarin: the list goes on. Pretty soon I felt like a piece of paper. Worse I felt the like the title of my emails. I was not even worth the reading of my cover letter.  My confidence was dependent on being shortlisted. It is not the way to live.

It is at this point reader that I must point out that to be without fear is in fact to have faith. This exercise taught me that mine was weak. 

I find it difficult to explain, but I am sure that most people have felt exactly the same way. We are taught if we work hard it will pay off. I came to a point where I worked so hard for nothing. To put it bluntly I thought I had deluded myself into believing I was running on the open road when in fact I was on a treadmill. I was so incredibly tired for what?

Throughout this time of emotional instability something glorious was actually happening. Unbeknownst to me until recently. It is going to sound super soppy, rainbows and unicorns-esque. However it is true. So profoundly true and obvious that I now understand why society brands it as "lame". We as people overstate our intelligence into believing that the answer has to be difficult or even selective.

I first had to under go an attitude change. I realised despite the world or rather companies and individuals whom I had admired for years excluding and overlooking me. I was actually really loved and respected. This is because of the people surround myself with.

Every time I fell down or had a bad day. They were there not even because I asked because they wanted to.

I believe this is the problem with our generation. We are all desperately searching for some external validation that sometimes we over look real love (not teddy bears or stupid over sexualised relationship memes or selfiefriendships). I am talking about respect , care and understanding. About REAL friendships: the kind of ones that last and grow. We overlook the most rare and incredible miracles of life.

This leads of to the final interpretation of sine metu. The interpretation I currently live in. I am without fear because I am with you. Honestly and truly. I understand and am also understood. When my faith is weak, I have others who offer to believe for me. Those who wait at the top encouraging me to climb.

We climb in darkness towards the light

The moment I let go. Let go of control and my insecurities. Things fell into place. In a brilliant and astounding way. As a prepare for this opportunity. I dedicate the posts over the next few months to the people who inspired this post.

The butterfly effect

It is time for a paradigm shift in country

Please don't misunderstand me, I am incredibly fortunate to study further (#feesmustfall) however lately my cup has been pretty empty. I have enjoyed my academic terms because of the creativity and diversity of information it brought. I also found a way to make things interesting and dare I say fun with the help of my friends. Toilet humor for example wasn't vulgarity but rather jokes about dual flush systems. The list goes on.

This afternoon I decided to go to the bakery close to res for a treat. A "life can be sweet" treat if you will. I walked in and the attendant immediately recognized me when I walked in 
" You haven't been here in weeks, where have you been?" she explained. I had been trying to be good. For some odd reason I spent fifteen minutes trying to decide what to get. Even the baker came to the front. I'm the butterfly girl, I should get a butterfly pastry( it is rolled puff pastry with sugar in the middle and brushed with syrup). The friendly attendant laughed at me and half-heatedly tried to sell me other treats, but kept telling me that we both knew I wanted the butterfly pastry. When I eventually bought the butterfly. Then I was scolded for depriving myself and invited back next Sunday.

Butterfly pastry or Varkoortjie in Afrikaans is a delightfully light pastry perfectly accompanied by tea on Sundays.

The point of my story is not to convince you to buy baked goods, but my experience brought on the realization of the reason for my deflated attitude as of late. I am concerned about the treatment of workers in our country especially in the hospitality sector. Like the attendant the universe keeps telling me that I should do something about it, but I guess the fear of ridicule has stopped me till now.

My idealistic heroism of those in management positions in this industry has been lost.
I used to look at these suited men and women and secretly adore them. I guess this makes me a hospitality nerd but I knew departmental heads statistics as if they were sports people. I used to collect property information, Eat out magazine was a manual to life  and I read Trip Adviser more than Facebook ( for a personal my age that is quite intense).

It was a slow process, which I fought for a long time. I had stars in my eyes, why would I resent a position I being groomed to fill?

Call it fate if you will, but one day I ended up in housekeeping department running some head offices errands and accidentally fell into a deep discussion with some laundry attendants. It all started with asking them how they were and wanting a real response.

Their concerns and grievances were all things I had noticed before however my enthusiasm and positive attitude wasn't going to help them. They put it rather bluntly, they will work hard for the rest of their lives never to attain a fraction of what the guests have. They explained the fear they felt of guest, who at the slightest complaint could place their positions  jeopardy. They feel as if they are going no where in their careers. 

It all became apparent to me. The hospitality industry is growing and thriving in Africa. Many of the basic skills involved in service can be taught without the need of tertiary education. Surely this is a means to help relieve the unemployment rates drastically.

We have a problem with entitlement in our nation. The poor want grants but often without contributing to society and the wealthy hate any threat to their monopoly on opportunity.

About a month later I transferred to a different hotels housekeeping department. I took off my suit, wiped off my make up and put on a housekeepers smock and it changed my life.
I didn't have to wear the properties uniform as an intern. I thought it would be practical for cleaning I never imagined the social implications that occurred.

The higher management from head office didn't recognize me and I was chastised for not wearing a name badge when coming to dust their offices (which are bigger than the departmental store room). I wasn't even given the opportunity to explain that I was a student. People kept asking me how many children I had, such a stereotype. My greeting as ignored as people blatantly looked the other way. Other departments even laughed as we leaned the staff bathrooms that they dirtied. Guests would hammer the close button in the lift if the saw me pass. A male guest gave me no warning and used the bathroom in front of me as I cowered in a corner. The list continues it is demeaning and dehumanizing.

A housekeeper pointed in out so nicely " guest's love the suit" to explain my sudden unpopularity.
This same attendant told me "Just because we clean shit doesn't makes us shit". She's right, someone has to do it.

Just because your room rate is more that someones monthly salary does not mean you own them Slavery is over!!!

Also it disappoints me when I meet managers who allow their positions to inflate their ego. You are nothing without your staff. You can't run a restaurant/hotel on your own. They forget their employees are people. If you spend most of your life at work surly it should be a pleasant environment

Money and status is no reason to forget you humanity.
That's why I want to implore students from all industries to  start thinking about the leaders they want to be. Do they want to inherit broken industries and manage it in a way that oppresses those in our country that actually try to emancipate themselves from poverty?

Or will we build companies run with sustainability in every sense of the word. One that hopes to grow and expand whilst empowering the workers. It is possible. We have been indoctrinated that there only is enough for the elite. This is a lie. Use your brains and your hands to build, not break. Stop asking for solutions and think about it. The world is ours. Let's take positive strides forward and fight the urge to pillage and destroy like our fore fathers.

It is our responsibility to create opportunities for ourselves and for others. Companies that truly thrive are those that work together. We are all different. Our skill sets and ability levels are not the same. However real lasting change requires  us each to work together to build a country worth living in. 

I hope to reach out to other concerned individuals and build a forum where we can collaborate  to formulate solutions.

The "truth" about Starbucks

Motherland's 100% Arabica, medium roasted, Rwandan and Ethiopian blend.

 "Dear me"

The “truth” is a war is coming. Our territories borders are being breached. Colonization has happened before we’ve “bean there” as a nation. Our “motherland” isn’t safe. We “knead” to stand together as a “tribe” our “origin” after all is the same.

Starbucks is coming for us. 

I have seen the caffeine fueled buzz on social media. It's like in the Lego movie where the masses are indoctrinated to drink over priced coffee. If I am being completely honest I am disappointed. I feel I over estimated the South African consumer. 

My greatest heartache is the way hospitality industry in this country often functions without humanity.  It is an ever growing industry yet it's leaders are all about generating the most cash in the fastest time. They never consider sustainability in all senses of the word. Often the environment suffers but especially the workers. 

In South Africa we have harbored a culture of complaint. Yet what I have come to realize is that the individuals that try to make a difference, for instant hospitality workers are the ones who are oppressed the most. Radical ideas that bring in fair means of making money are laughed out of the boardroom. These hospitality workers, who are trying to raise families without depending on government grants,  that are paid minimum wage  (R2500 a month) or worked into the ground in dangerous and demeaning environments.On the surface it shines but behind the scenes...

The consumer demands therefor it is enforced. The consumer spends enough to pay a whole months salary of a worker in one go so why should they not get away with murder? My question is simple why does the consumer enjoy it? They bully, they swear,they yell, some even try to touch you. Why are there occupations where you have to let things happen to you and detach yourself from your sense of self? 

The consumer has all the power. In this case we are the consumers.

We live in a country which shares a continent with the greatest coffee producing nations on the PLANET!

In Cape Town we have so many wonderful coffee outlets. Places that offer single origin beans that come with the assurance of ethical trading. The coffee industry has been built on personal relationships, my favorite barista asks me about school, I ask for hearts on my flat whites. It comes from a real place, the connection with their customers is true. The workers know all there is to know on their products. It goes beyond being just a beverage, it is liquid art. There is a symphony of flavors each note carefully picked.

We have finally pushed the envelope of what was expected from coffee.For example truth makes coffee with orange juice. The juice is frothy. It's sweet, bitter brilliance! It's literally a sunrise in a cup. Africans drinking incredible African coffee.

Now

Starbucks has indoctrinated the masses using the consumers addiction to sugar to corrupt the flavor profiles of coffee. We don't need hazelnut or caramel sugared drinks thank you very much.We don't need major corporations coming into our country telling us what to drink and putting pressure on the little guy. The coffee industry is good for our economy and ultimately will help in stabilizing the Rand. Major corporations inject money but the suffocate smaller enterprises. It's the port jackson tree situation on our natural vegetation all over again.

We have brilliant coffee here at home. Don't be that guy that buys into Americanism with their expansive capitalist ideals and their placid pallets. I will not be won over by my name misspelled on a cup or the novelty that #starbucks that probably trends on Instagram.

“yours truly”

H

* all quoted words are names of coffee shops and distributors