I first stumbled upon this phrase very early in my search my six month internship or rather the whale/mother ship/be-all-end-all. Some may understand the great pressure that exists with establishing yourself in your twenties others may have simply forgotten or never cared.
Sine metu has been an echo in my mind.
At first it was about being brave. About going forth and taking risks in applications. In emailing general managers and inquiring the help of recruiters. I only needed to start working in July of 2016 however I was applying almost a year in advance. I so desperately wanted to go into my third year "sorted".
BUT THEN rejection starts setting in. Stupid amounts of rejection based on the fact that I have yet to complete my qualification. I do not have the permits to work abroad or even the fact that I am not an EU citizen. I'm proficient in different property management systems to the property or they want someone that speaks Mandarin: the list goes on. Pretty soon I felt like a piece of paper. Worse I felt the like the title of my emails. I was not even worth the reading of my cover letter. My confidence was dependent on being shortlisted. It is not the way to live.
It is at this point reader that I must point out that to be without fear is in fact to have faith. This exercise taught me that mine was weak.
I find it difficult to explain, but I am sure that most people have felt exactly the same way. We are taught if we work hard it will pay off. I came to a point where I worked so hard for nothing. To put it bluntly I thought I had deluded myself into believing I was running on the open road when in fact I was on a treadmill. I was so incredibly tired for what?
Throughout this time of emotional instability something glorious was actually happening. Unbeknownst to me until recently. It is going to sound super soppy, rainbows and unicorns-esque. However it is true. So profoundly true and obvious that I now understand why society brands it as "lame". We as people overstate our intelligence into believing that the answer has to be difficult or even selective.
I first had to under go an attitude change. I realised despite the world or rather companies and individuals whom I had admired for years excluding and overlooking me. I was actually really loved and respected. This is because of the people surround myself with.
Every time I fell down or had a bad day. They were there not even because I asked because they wanted to.
I believe this is the problem with our generation. We are all desperately searching for some external validation that sometimes we over look real love (not teddy bears or stupid over sexualised relationship memes or selfiefriendships). I am talking about respect , care and understanding. About REAL friendships: the kind of ones that last and grow. We overlook the most rare and incredible miracles of life.
This leads of to the final interpretation of sine metu. The interpretation I currently live in. I am without fear because I am with you. Honestly and truly. I understand and am also understood. When my faith is weak, I have others who offer to believe for me. Those who wait at the top encouraging me to climb.
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| We climb in darkness towards the light |
The moment I let go. Let go of control and my insecurities. Things fell into place. In a brilliant and astounding way. As a prepare for this opportunity. I dedicate the posts over the next few months to the people who inspired this post.
